My career has really taken off. I’m on the fast track to success. I’m climbing that corporate ladder, stepping on the shoulders of my coworkers in the race to reach the top. Just today, while I added dates for Highway 101 and Frank Marino & Mahogany Rush, I also unplugged the toilets and scribbled, “To my best friend, Irving” on the Elton John autographed picture in the hallway. Yes, I’ve been busy as a bee.

Right now I’m on break, but pretty soon I’ll be back at my desk to enter the latest info for Charlie Hunter and Tab Benoit. Then I’ve got to double check the schedules for Wilco, call Jackson Browne’s agent for an update and enter additional dates for k.d. lang and Al Di Meola.

Yes, I have been busy. But you know what they say; “the early bird catches the worm,” and “success is 90 percent perspiration and 10 percent extortion.” That’s why I’m working really hard. I want my boss to notice me. So what if the other staffers think I’m a brown nose. I’m heading to the top and that’s all I care about. Oh, there’s the fax machine again. Probably an update for Astral Project or Ian Moore. Looks like I might be here all night.

So, if you don’t find what you’re looking for, please remember that I’m working as fast as I can. I’m moving at light speed. I’m busting my butt, entering the latest dates for all your favorites, like Bob Dylan or the Up In Smoke tour. Just give me a moment to catch my breath, okay?

OR ME AND MR. AK47 WILL COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND DISH OUT A LITTLE IRVING-STYLE PATIENCE! AM I CLEAR?

Ohhh, that felt good. Oh, well, back to work.