You should. You’ve seen me every time you go to a show. And I’ve seen you. I saw you at Cheap Trick, Creedence Clearwater Revisited and even Lynyrd Skynyrd. I’ve been watching you.

You figure it out yet? That’s right. I’m an usher.

And I want to get something off of my chest. I have a lot of shows coming to my venue, like AC/DC and Dwight Yoakam, and if you want to see them, you better behave yourself. None of this climbing over the other rows crap to get to your seats. And keep your feet off the back of the seats in front of you. And no talking during the show. Got it? Well, I guess it’s okay to whisper during the drum solo.

I’ve seen you and your friends at every show. I watched you holler out “Rock N Roll!” during a swing number at a Harry Connick Jr. show, I’ve seen you stand while others were sitting, heck I’ve even caught you swiping your buddy’s beer while he was hitting the can at the Mary J. Blige concert. I just can’t see how you can live with yourself. It’s people like you that ruin it for the rest of us.

So get this straight. You come to my venue, to see Ricky Martin or Red Hot Chili Peppers, you act like an adult. No cussin’, no stealin’, no smokin’ none of that wacky tobaccy. You here me? And be sure to stay for the entire performance. Walking out before the end of the show is soooo rude. Remember, you’re a guest in my house.

Oh, and be sure to have a good time.