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Tours de Farce: Would You Buy A New Tour From This Man?
“Yes, I was thinking about a new pair of concert tickets.”
“You’ve come to the right place. Here at Wally’s Ticket Bazaar we have every ticket for every show. Whether it’s first row center, or last row behind the stage, we have the ticket that will fit your needs.”
“That’s good, because I don’t have a lot of money.
“What tickets would you like?”
“I was thinking about something along the lines of KORN, but not as loud.”
“Very good sir.”
“Of course, tickets for Savage Garden and Andrew Tosh would be nice.”
“Yes sir.”
“But not too expensive.”
“We have a pair of first section seats for Sting.”
“How much?”
“How much do you want to spend?”
“First section? I probably can’t afford it.”
“What if I could sell you these tickets at balcony prices? Would you buy them today?”
“That would be great.”
“But would you buy them today?”
“Sure.”
“Do you have a trade in?”
“Trade in? Well, I do have a pair of Diana Ross & The Supremes tickets that I won’t be using.”
“We get a lot of those, let me check the Blue Book price. Hmmm. Subtract the trade in, add taxes, prep charges, advertising fees…. I can give you these tickets for the price I’ve listed at the bottom of the order.”
“Wait a second. What happened to front section at balcony prices?”
“We do have expenses like lighting, air conditioning, utilities. This is a good price.”
“Says who?”
“Why don’t you walk around the block with the tickets? See how the tickets feel in your pocket.”
“I really can’t afford these. I best be going.”
“Are you sure you don’t want any tickets? There’s still Inner Circle, Lou Reed and Honeynut Cheerios Soulfest 2000.”
“Not at those prices.”
“Well, what if I knocked off 20 percent?”
“I don’t know.”
“30 percent?”
“Now you’re talking.”
“Very good, sir. I’ll just run this by my sales manager.”
“Sales manager? I never knew buying concert tickets could be so complicated.”
“Oh, you’ve only selected the tickets. You haven’t bought anything.”
“I haven’t?”
“Oh, no. We still have to discuss financing.”