Tours de Farce: Backstage Legends And Front Row Myths
Big, ferocious critters. Pale white from living a life in exile from the sun, they lurk beneath the streets of the Big Apple, waiting to munch on unsuspecting music lovers as they make their way to a Creed concert at the Garden.
Perhaps you’ve heard about the Metallica roadie in the microwave. Or maybe you’ve been collecting all the unused Diana Ross & The Supremes tickets in order to buy some poor kidney disease sufferer an hour on a dialysis machine.
They’re called “urban concert legends,” the modern version of fairy tales and folklore. Yes, the concert industry has its own tradition of myths and campfire stories, where the person giving testimony is always a friend of a friend who lived across the street from the woman who was once married to the Joe Cocker road manager who met the groupie whose next door neighbor actually saw the whole thing with his very own eyes.
Hardly a day goes by when someone doesn’t ask us about Ray Charles serving as a Green Beret sniper in Vietnam, or SFX Entertainment’s purchase of the Vatican. Then there’s the one about Alanis Morissette being the Gerber Baby. Did you know that Ozzy Osbourne’s father was Mr. Green Jeans, or that Pink Floyd’s Dark Side Of The Moon CD syncs perfectly with a Roger Waters video?
Far be it from us to dispel these fun little anecdotes that are passed from generation to generation. Concert goers may take pride in their skepticism, but at the same time, they secretly relish telling tall tales about the woman who emailed Britney Spears’ secret chocolate chip cookie recipe to the world or the one about the Reverend Horton Heat T-shirt salesman, the cardboard tube and the gerbils.
Not only do these harmless little tales serve as mini morality lessons, but they also scare little children, as well as ‘N Sync and Zen Guerrilla, into obedience. While the truth lies closer to the realm of Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, we won’t be the ones to spoil the fun.
By the way, we were joking about the alligators in the New York sewers. They’re actually in Boston. And they talk funny.