“134 concerts.”

“You’re not going to bring that up again, are you?”

“I can’t help it. The tour is over, and I’m suffering from PBS.”


“Post Bruce Syndrome. I think I’ll call in sick to work.”

“You really should get over this. After all, the tour ended over a week ago.”

“Don’t say that! The Boss played 134 shows. Oh, why couldn’t it be 140? Or even 136? Why did he have to stop at 134?”

“There are other tours, you know. Like Rick Springfield, Roger Waters and Indigo Girls.”

“He played ‘The River’ 89 times.”

“Then there’s Billy Ray Cyrus and Brian Setzer Orchestra.”

“‘Prove It All Night’ 107 times.”

“And Tattoo The Earth is coming next month.”

“He dripped 3.2 quarts of sweat on each stage.”

“There’s also No Doubt and Don Henley.”

“That’s 428.8 quarts overall. 107.2 gallons”

“Would you get over it? Hey, I have an idea, let’s see Ani DiFranco and Aimee Mann next month.”

“He yelled, ‘Big man!’ 1608 times.”

“There’s more to concerts than just Bruce.”

“He played ‘Racing In The Streets’ 15 times. ‘Jungleland’ 56 times.”

“You know, Gus, you really have a problem.”

“He was constipated during 19… What? A problem? Me?”

“This obsessive behavior over the Springsteen tour. Maybe you should seek some help.”

“I resent that! I’ll have you know I do not have a single problem.”

“Okay, okay. Forget I said anything. Sheesh.”

“I have 5,271 problems. This is problem #4911. Right between my fear of man-eating poodles and my constant fantasizing over refereeing a wrestling match between Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera as they go at it in a vat filled with creamed corn.”

“Well, it sounds like you really have some issues to sort out here.”

“Then there’s my fear of being caught kissing Eminem’s wife. That’s problem #2916. No, that’s problem #971, after my fear of being busted by Lars for trading Metallica songs on Napster and before my worrying that Tim McGraw will steal my horse. Hey, where are you going?”

“I think I’ll wash my hands.”