Features
Tours de Farce: Back To School Daze
“Yes, Dad?”
“Next week you’ll be leaving home for your first year of college, and there are a few things I want to discuss with you.”
“Like what, Dad?”
“For instance, suppose you have a big test in the morning, but Creed is playing at the college gym the night before. What do you do?”
“That’s easy. I skip the concert and cram for the exam.”
“What? I thought your mother and I raised you better than that.”
“Uh? I don’t understand.”
“It’s costing us a lot to send you to college. How do you expect to get ahead in life if you spend all of your time studying, instead of seeing shows like Ben Harper and The Moody Blues?”
“But I want to do well, Dad. I want to make you and mom proud of me. Besides, I’ll need good grades for med school.”
“There you go again, talking about med school. I thought we decided you were going to be a scalper and sell tickets for Mudvayne, Broadcast and The Beach Boys.”
“That’s what you and mom decided, Dad. Not me.”
“The world needs more ticket scalpers, James. Tina Turner and Little Feat are going out this fall, and they’ll need someone to sell the best seats for the highest prices.”
“But…”
“James, you’ve got to understand that colleges, tests and grades will always be there, but chances to see Barenaked Ladies or Culture Club come along maybe once in a lifetime.”
“I know, Dad.”
“And if you’re studying at the library all the time, you’ll miss all the enrichments a good show like Alice Cooper or 38 Special can bring.”
“Gee, Dad, I’m sorry. Sometimes I get so caught up in myself. I’ll try to do better. I’ll see all the shows that come to campus, including Joan Osborne and Indigenous. I promise.”
“That’s a good boy. Believe me, son, you won’t regret it.”
“I know, Dad.”
“Oh, and son, I want to give you this to take to college.”
“Uh? What’s this? Oh, Dad, you shouldn’t have.”
“I thought it was time you had your own.”
“My very own Napster account? Wow!”
“Just be careful how you use it, okay? I don’t want you to get into trouble.”
“Don’t worry, Dad. I’ll be careful.”
“Remember, download only the big songs by famous artists. After all, you’ll never get anywhere in life with a collection of songs by people no one has ever heard of.”
“I know, Dad. Thanks.”