“Hi, Dad. Thanks for calling. Everything’s fine. Got that debate tonight. Gonna kick some tush. Just you watch.”

“Don’t get too confident. You don’t wanna count those hatches before they’re chickens.”

“Not to worry, Dad. I’ve been practicing. Going over the figures, learning what I stand for. Gonna show them that I stand. Yes sir.”

“Listen, son, I’ve been reading about the issues, and I think I’ve discovered your opponent’s weakness. A Kelly’s Heel, so to speak.”

“What’s that?”

“A weakness that we can exploit.”

“No, Dad, I mean, what’s their Kelly’s Heel?”

“I was talking with Bob Dylan and Ted Nugent last week and they’re really worried about this piracy thing on the innernet. If it’s not nippled in the bud, it could be the end of intererectional property.”

“You mean like your speedboat up in Maine?”

“No, I’m talking about acts like The Wallflowers, Joan Osborne and Better Than Ezra losing their intellectual prosperity on the innernet.”

“We can’t let that happen. If there’s one thing I do stand for it’s… it’s… what you just said.”

“Exactly. And since Al Gore said he invented the innernet, I think we should lay the blame on him, plus score some points with the music industry.”

“It’s always good to score points. Especially with Britney Spears and ‘N Sync. They’ve got a lot of fans. We could use their votes when they grow up.”

“Good. Now here’s what you should do. When Gore starts harpin’ on your budget, you hit him with this copyripe thing.”

“Right.”

“You name it, A3, Relative Ash and Jill Scott, they’re all upset over the loss of their innerlechable property. You gotta show that you have some empathy for the situation.”

“Oh, I got you. This should be a cinch.”

“Now don’t get too over confidential. Remember what I said.”

“Not to worry, Dad. When it comes to empathy, I’m all over Gore.”

“Good.”

“I mean, who has more empathies than I do? You name it, I have it. In fact, just this morning I downloaded four empathies by Marilyn Manson.”

“So you’re up to speed on empathy?”

“It’s a slam drunk, Dad.”

“That’s great, son. By the way, there’s something I always wanted to tell you.”

“What’s that, Dad?”

“Some people say Jeb’s the smart one. That he should be president, but I always tell them you’ve got what it takes to beat those Demorats. You wanna know why?”

“Why, Dad?”

“You’re the only one I know who’s smart enough to understand me.”