Of everyone who browsed the tour itinerary for The Offspring, 43 percent say they will vote for George Bush, 42 percent say Al Gore is their man, while 15 percent say either candidate is pretty fly (for a white guy). However, of those who viewed the schedule by bringing up the dates for the band’s tour partner, Cypress Hill, 39 percent preferred Gore, 37 percent picked George Bush, and 24 percent chose orange Zig Zags over all other rolling papers. Clearly the nation has yet to make a choice as to who should occupy the White House come January.

In our Bloodhound Gang exit poll, an amazing 79 percent back Bush’s plan for groupie vouchers. If enacted, this controversial proposal will give groupies cash vouchers, enabling them to travel out of state to see artists like Marshall Crenshaw, Unified Theory and Teddy Thompson. Al Gore vehemently opposes this plan, saying that vouchers will be “the beginning of the end” of this country’s mobile home industry.

Another point that the candidates have differed on is the ticket service charge cut. Bush has long championed a service charge cut across the board, saying that it should benefit everyone, even if they’re sitting in $500 gold circle seats for Bon Jovi, Creed or AC/DC. Gore, on the other hand, favors service charge cuts for acts that appear in middle size venues, including theatres and night clubs, and cites growing support from fans of Teddy Thompson and Peter, Paul & Mary.

We hope today’s column has been helpful for when you step into the voting booth next month. In closing, we are asked to remind the Pat Buchanan voters that we can all avoid the congestion and problems that occurred in 1996 if they remember just one simple thing.

As a courtesy, please don’t spit until outside of the polling booth.