While many Americans felt Campaign 2000 was boring, the post election events have kept this nation’s citizens glued to their TV sets as they watch the latest developments unfold. However, no matter if the topic is uncounted ballots or accusations of stealing the election, one concern rises above all others. How will the final outcome affect the concert industry?

Will dimpled ballots and hanging chads influence the exposure of Britney Spears navel when she performs in London on December 10th? If George Bush is victorious, will Green Day have to flip-flop their Dayton date with Milwaukee as specified in the 29th Amendment? Will Eric Clapton play the traditional arrangement of “Layla” with the song’s thundering guitar riffs, or will an Al Gore recount victory force Slowhand to stick with his “unplugged” version that is so popular with Tipper? These are just some of the questions being raised by law professors and tour bus drivers alike as America seeks a solution in this concertutional crisis.

Furthermore, weekend news programs, with their talking heads and predictions of the routings for the Oak Ridge Boys and Barney’s Musical Castle, only compounded the confusion. For example, viewers were mystified by Gore attorney David Boies’ rhetoric about vote sharing, Ticketmaster recounts, and accusations that the Republican Party’s monopoly on elderly white males violates federal antitrust laws.

When will it end? Speaking on behalf of Bush, James Baker reiterated his view that, if certain Florida counties were to undergo yet another recount, then Billy Joel must open before Elton John on their upcoming co-headline tour. Not to be outdone, Gore running mate Joseph Lieberman claimed that, if a clear winner isn’t chosen by January 20th, Marilyn Manson must assume the role of acting president, as stated in the landmark Bundy vs Gacey decision of 1957.

Yes, the events of the past four weeks have been confusing. And with Backstreet Boys and Chicago about to tour, Americans can expect more verbal sparring between the two parties. And those who think this election is all over but the crying, might want to remember the last words of television pioneer Steve Allen, who shortly before his death last month was reported to say, “If Tesla can reunite for three shows in December, then anything is possible.”