“The 9th District Court Of Appeals is about to rule on Napster, and we must be prepared no matter how they decide. The President has notified me that he wants solutions, not problems. Yes, Colin?”

“Mr. Vice President, I’m concerned about the situation in the Middle East. If Napster remains in business, the new Israeli prime minister, Ariel Sharon, will surely demand control of all downloads on the West Bank, including KISS, Dave Matthews Band and any bootlegs resulting from the New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival. Arafat’s not going to like it.”

“Tell him he’ll have to live with it. John, is the Justice Department on alert?”

“Yes, Mr. Vice President. And even if I disagree with the decision, I will enforce the law. In case Napster goes offline, we have the National Guard standing by all major university campuses. A healthy dose of tear gas should make those students think twice about ripping off ‘N Sync or Shawn Colvin.”

“And if the court rules in Napster’s favor?”

“We’ll gas them anyway. We need the practice.”

“I see. Christie, is EPA ready?”

“Yes, Mr. Vice President. In the event Napster is forced to shut down, we’re looking at razing their corporate headquarters and either strip mining the land for copper, or drilling for oil. Personally, I think a big shiny oil derrick will improve the Redwood City skyline. Pipelines are for oil and gas, not MP3s of Eminem and Everlast.”

“Sounds good, Christie, however, I don’t think that’s going to help. Members of the Cabinet, we may very well be facing the biggest crisis of this administration. If Napster closes, we’re going to have more to worry about than a ticked off world population that wants to download free copies of Eve 6 and Limp Bizkit. Remember, the President wants solutions, not problems. We must focus on the big picture.”

“And that is?”

“If Napster closes, we’re going to have to find something else for George to do.”