“Jaws Talent Agency. How may I… What? You’re a grade school principle looking for a couple of bands to play a school assembly? How about Ozzfest 2001 with Black Sabbath and Marilyn Manson? Nah, forget about the money. We love schools. Just send me the directions and I’ll tell the bands.”

“Thank you for calling JTA. What’s that? You just signed a contract for MxPx to appear at your music festival, but you’re not sure about which number to fax it to? Sure, I’ll get that for you. By the way, Thursday is two-for-one day. Just pencil in another band on that contract and you’ll get two bands for the price of one. Brian Setzer ’68 Comeback Special? Sure, whomever you want. You’re the customer. Oh, what the heck, we’re in a good mood, pencil in three bands. Thank you for calling.”

“Jaws Talent Agency. What? Hmmm… Well, Sting is a pretty popular bar mitzvah choice, but I’ll have to check his schedule. No, I don’t think so. I’ve already slotted him for three birthday parties this weekend, plus he’s doing his patented ‘singing waiter’ routine at a wedding in Malibu. How about Charlotte Church? Oh, I don’t know, whatever you think she’s worth. Actually, the free meal is usually more than enough. Thank you for calling.”

“Jaws Talent Agency. Oh, hi, Fran. Yes, this is my last day at this job, and it can’t go fast enough for me. The owner’s a skinflint jerk, the vice president is a lecherous creep and the CEO is a drunk who’s trying to screw me out of my vacation and sick pay. No, I’m not going to miss this place one iota. But let me tell you something….

“They’re going to remember me for a long, long time.”