“Yes, my little sweetheart? What can Daddy do for you?”

“Can I have a dog?”

“Hmmm. I don’t know about that. A dog is a big responsibility.”

“I’ll feed him and play with him and brush him. I’ll take good care of him. I promise.”

“I know, honey, but it’s a little more complicated than that.”

“What do you mean?”

“For example, your mommy and I want to see Ladysmith Black Mambazo and Ocean Colour Scene.”

“So?”

“But we won’t be able to afford the tickets if we have to buy dog food.”

“I’ll sell my Barbie collection.”

“That’s fine, my little precious one, but what about medical bills? If we have to pay for a vet, mommy and I won’t be able to go to India to see Bryan Adams.”

“I’ll skip breakfast and lunch. I’ll eat only one meal a day.”

“That might pay for the shots and worming, but what about neutering? Dave Matthews Band and Roxy Music are coming to town, and I already promised your mommy that I would take her to the concerts.”

“That strange man who lives down the street and shouts at trees said he’d do it for free. Can I have a dog? Can I, uh? Can I?”

“Look, my little pumpkin, there are a few things in life you just don’t understand.”

“Like what?”

“Dogs cost money. Airline tickets for your mommy and me to fly to Japan to see moe. cost money.”

“So?”

“Say you get a dog and he lives, oh, I don’t know, 10, maybe 12 years. Do you know how many shows mommy and I will miss if we’re constantly paying dog bills? Then there’s the expense of putting him down when he gets old. If we got a dog, your mommy and I would have to skip Jimmy Buffett, Vice Squad and Styx. And that’s just this spring. There’s no telling who will be touring later this year.”

“You mean if we get a dog, you and mommy won’t be able to go to concerts, like Ozzfest 2001 and the George Strait Country Music Festival, anymore?”

“That’s right.”

“But I really, really want a dog.”

“I know you do, my little darling, but remember, your mommy and I just want what’s best for our little girl.”

“I know. Gee, I must be the luckiest kid in the whole wide world.”

“I knew you’d understand. Now, could daddy’s little girl go get her piggy bank? I’m buying tickets for Jethro Tull today, and I just don’t have enough cash to cover the service charges.”