“Mr. President?”

“Dick! Come on in. I was just looking over this listing for Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers. Did you know they’re going to be at the CW Mitchell Pavilion on May 18th?”

“I wasn’t aware of that, sir. I brought by these papers for you to sign.”

“And The Clarks are going to be here in D.C. at the 9:30 Club on April 14th. Gosh, I love being president.”

“I’m sure you do, Mr. President. About these papers…”

“Oh, look, Bon Jovi is appearing at the MCI Center on May 13th. That should be a great show.”

“Mr. President, I really need you to sign these papers.”

“And the Vans Warped Tour ’01 is stopping at the Nissan Pavilion in August. How far is that from here by helicopter, Dick?”

“Sir, about these papers…”

“You know, Dick, you’re a great VP, but I really wish you’d loosen up a bit.”

“Sir?”

“Come on, live a little! We’ve got all these jets, limos and Secret Service agents at our beck and call. We can see anyone we like, including Eric Clapton, Jethro Tull and Loverboy, and all you want to do is work, work, work.”

“You really should take a look at these papers…”

“My father warned me that you were a bit anal about the job. He said to me, ‘Junior, Dick Cheney might make an excellent VP, but he’ll never hang out with you at Ozzfest 2001.'”

“Sir, if you could just take a moment…”

“Alright already! Sheesh. Hand me those papers. Hmmm… Dubya… Dubya… Dubya… There! All signed and sealed. Now, what about Journey? Should we see them in Texas while we’re at the ranch, or should we wait until they play here on June 22nd?”

“Uh, I really should be going, sir. I have meetings with State, Defense and then dinner with Greenspan.”

“Well, don’t let me keep you. Oh, Dick?”

“Yes, sir?”

“What did I just sign?”

“Orders to rape Alaska for every last drop of oil, plus the go-ahead for the Air Force to carpet bomb Iraq, North Korea and Saskatchewan.”

“Uh? What did you just say?”

“I said, you just signed orders instructing the White House staff to procure tickets for Jimmy Buffett, Depeche Mode and Pork Tornado.”

“Yes, of course. That’s what I though you said. You know, I really like being president.”

“I know, sir.”