That’s right, Ol’ Scratch, himself. Said he was bored with the usual stuff, like politics and Napster. Said he even tried causing some trouble in the coffee industry, but he got tired of the daily grind.

“I didn’t always want to be the Prince of Darkness,” he said as he looked over the schedules for Sepultura and Olivia Newton-John. “I originally wanted to be a dentist, but there were too many drills.”

Of course, some of us were a little apprehensive about having The Evil One in our offices. There was concern that he might disrupt the workflow, maybe even delay the processing of Pantera’s Extreme Steel Tour. “I’m not nearly as bad as my twin brother,” he said in his defense.

“Twin brother?” we asked him. “We didn’t know Satan had a twin brother.”

“Of course,” he answered while he inspected the latest additions for Mindy McCready. “We were womb-mates.”

You can guess how the rest of the day went.

“I’ve really tried to give up the temptation business and go straight,” he remarked as we updated the itineraries for Planet Of The Drums, O.A.R. and Duke Tumatoe & The Power Trio. “Up until last month I was trying to sell cattle in England, but I kept sticking my foot in my mouth.”

“Enough!” we cried. “You may be Lucifer, but we can no longer stand this insipid word play. We have Built To Spill and Fatboy Slim to process before the day is over and we have no time for your banal jokes.”

You should have seen him. He looked at us with the saddest fire and brimstone eyes you ever saw. His horns wilted on his head and his tail curled up into a defensive little ball. “I know when I’m not wanted,” he whined. “I’m going over to David Lee Roth’s house.”

“Dave’s house?” we asked in astonishment. “What makes you think Diamond Dave wants anything to do with you?”

“Because,” he answered as he donned his cape and headed for the front door. “Dave is a man who can appreciate my many talents.”

“You mean?”

“That’s right. There’s nothing Dave likes better than punning with the devil.”