“You have my undivided attention.”

“Okay, first you strip out the vowels and then arrange the consonants alphabetically. That gives you…”

“BKNNP”

“Very good.”

“Thank you. I used to watch School House Rock when I was a kid.”

“It shows. The next thing you want to do is compile a list of cities that Rod Stewart and Dido will be playing on their respective tours.”

“I’ve already done that. I have the list right here.”

“Excellent. What’s your favorite number between two and four?”

“Uh, three.”

“I thought it might be three. Take every third city on that list and run it through that Pig Latin translator the people on Napster have been using to disguise their files.”

“You mean, like Etroitday, Ittsburghpay and Resnofay?”

“Perfect. Now, check the database to see who’s playing those cities.”

“I’ve got Marshall Crenshaw, Juvenile and Journey.”

“So far, so good. Now you need the stock market ticker symbols for every company that’s been delisted on Nasdaq because their stock dropped below a buck.”

“Just this month or this year?”

“This year.”

“Whew, that’s a lot. Thank God for computers.”

“I hear you. Now listen closely. Eliminate the duplicate letters, assign each character a numeric value, and then divide by the number of cities on the Stereophonics tour. You still with me?”

“Like ugly on an ape.”

“Then mix in the original letters, eliminate any double negatives, subtract the service charges for Marillion and 38 Special and… and… voila! Detroit’s Pine Knob becomes the DTE Energy Music Theatre.”

“So that’s how they pick corporate sponsorship names. I never knew it was so complicated.”

“It ain’t easy, but the effort is well worth it.

“I know what you mean. A name like DTE just drips with music.”

“You got it. Now, if you can stick around for awhile, I’ll show you how they figure out the daily lineup for the Vans Warped Tour.”