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Tours de Farce: The Dawn Of A New Era
“Thank you for the Slipknot concert, Horace.”
“The pleasure is all mine, Zelda.”
“And to think I dated half the guys in this city only to find the man of my dreams in the apartment below me.”
“Amazing, isn’t it?”
“Will you call me?”
“I would, but I spent the phone money on tickets for
“That’s terrible!”
“I agree. Wait a minute, I have an idea.”
“Yeah?”
“If I have tickets for Ike Turner, I’ll tap the ceiling with a broom handle.”
“And if you have tickets for G. Love & Special Sauce?”
“Two taps.”
“But what about co-headlines, like that Black Crowes / Oasis tour?”
“I’ll bang on the pipes.”
“Let’s see, ceiling for single shows, pipes for co-bills… Hmmm… This is getting confusing. Suppose you get tickets for one of those concert festival packages. What are you going to do then? Uh?”
“Look, Zelda, I’ll knock three times if I have tickets for Pantera’s
“And co-headlines?”
“Twice on the pipes when bands are sharing the bill.”
“I don’t know, Horace. Pipes, ceilings, one tap for Clutch and two knocks for Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers. It’s all too confusing. I’ve never dated a guy who didn’t have a phone. Maybe we should stop seeing each other.”
“But, Zelda!”
“I definitely made up my mind, Horace. If you want to take me to shows like Alan Jackson and Fastball, you’re going to have to get your phone back. None of this ‘knock three times on the ceiling’ stuff, okay?”
“Gee, I’ll bet this never happened to Tony Orlando.