“Yes, sir.”

“I hope you’re not a loser like all those other guys.”

“Pardon?”

“Uh, never mind. Tell me about yourself.”

“I graduated from MIT in 1995, did my post-grad work at…”

“No, not that crap.”

“Sir?”

“Cripe, all she ever brings home are losers like doctors, lawyers and dot-com CEOs. You can’t learn about life from a book. You have to experience it. Learn from your mistakes and capitalize upon your advantages. Now, let’s start again. Tell me about yourself.”

“Well… I have tickets for The Allman Brothers Band at the Merriweather Post Pavilion in Columbia, Maryland on June 23.”

“Lawn or pavilion seats?”

“Pavilion.”

“Good. I don’t want to have to tell you what happened to the last young man who tried to make my daughter sit on the hill. Sheesh, what a loser. What do you hear about Madonna?

“Tour starts June 5 in Cologne, Germany. So far, the first date in the U.S. is July 21 in Philly.”

“At the First Union Spectrum or the First Union Center?”

“First Union Center.”

“Yeah, but any loser can tell you that. What do you know about Pine Knob?”

“Uh?”

“That amphitheatre north of Detroit.”

“Oh, you must mean the DTE Energy Music Theatre. During the first few week’s of the season they’ll host Eddie Money, the Charlie Daniels Band Volunteer Jam and that Black Crowes / Oasis co-headline.”

“Very good. You even caught the name change. Believe me, you don’t want to hear about the man who was so out of touch he missed the Blockbuster-Sony E Center in Camden, New Jersey changing its name to the Tweeter Center At The Waterfront. Hah! What a loser. You’re not a loser, are you?”

“Oh, no, sir.”

“Quick! Name the dates U2 is playing at the Arrowhead Pond in Anaheim.”

“April 23, 24 and 26.”

“26? Are you positive? Are you sure that last date isn’t the 25th?”

“Uh…. Yes, sir. The 26th. I’m sure of it.”

“Relax. Just testing you, boy. Oh, here comes my daughter. You kids have a good time tonight. Get out and enjoy yourselves.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Oh, Bernice? Could I have a word with you?”

“Sure, Daddy. What’s up?”

“Sounds like you have a real winner this time. Just don’t hurt him in the mosh pit like you did that last guy. Sheesh, what a loser.”