“My stomach gets a little queasy when I fly. Oh, where are my manners? My name is Oscar. Oscar the accountant. It’s a long flight from L.A. to London and we’re going to be sitting next to each other for hours and hours, so we might as well get acquainted. What’s your name and what do you do?

“Hilary, eh? From what? The Recording Industry Association of America? You mean where all the CDs come from like Depeche Mode and R. Kelly? Well, isn’t this a coincidence? I must be your biggest customer.

“That’s right. You name it, I’ve got it. Janet Jackson, Green Day, Go-Go’s, I just love music. I’m always listening to tunes. In fact, I tell all my clients, that penny for penny, music is the best bargain out there. Especially since Napster came along.

“But I’m sure I’m not telling you anything you don’t know. After all, didn’t you guys invent Napster? Let me shake your hand. I can’t tell you how much that cute little kitten has saved me in CD expenses. I used to buy everything that came out, like Guided By Voices or Stevie Nicks, but that was back in the B.N. days. You know, Before Napster. Now I get my music for free and I can put that money towards something useful, like my group anti-fungal therapy sessions.

“What? Would I like some chewing gum? Sure. No problem, I can still talk while I chew. Of course, gum makes me salivate so I might drool a little. I can’t tell you how much I’ve looked forward to this trip to London. I thought I’d never be able to afford it, but once again Napster saved the day.

How’s that? Oh, it was easy. I just downloaded all the songs by Backstreet Boys and *NSYNC, burned them onto a CD and gave the disks to my niece to sell at her grade school for two dollars a pop. And… And… What’s that you’re pulling out of your purse? Why, It’s looks like… like a…

“Isn’t that an old turntable tone arm? Yes, it is. And what are you gonna do with that Hilary? Ouch! Watch it, uh? That phonograph needle’s sharp. Stop hitting me, Hilary. Yow! Watch out for… Arghhh! You stuck it in my eye! What did you do that for? Ow! Stewardess? Stewardess!!?”