He first appeared to us as Neil Diamond. He said that He wanted to see how His children in the concert industry were doing. We showed Him the dates for Melissa Etheridge and Tori Amos as well as the ticket sale reports for *NSYNC. He liked the routing for Bob Dylan and the deals that were made for Paul Kelly and String Cheese Incident. However, He didn’t look too happy about the parking fees for Janet Jackson or Backstreet Boys. “I guess I’ll have to have a talk with the promoters,” He said as He punched up a number on His cell phone while whistling “Cracklin’ Rosie.”

After God left a message on their voice mail He snapped His fingers and transformed into Stevie Nicks. She punched up tour after tour on our computers, nodding Her head in agreement as She ran through the routing for Britney Spears and sighing when She saw the prices for A Tribute To Michael Jackson. Finally, She turned to us and said, “Does anyone want to see Madonna?”

Of course, we were very excited. Here was the Creator of the Universe asking us to be Her guests for one of the hottest shows of the year. However, we were concerned that arriving at the arena with the Maker of All Things might be a bit conspicuous. Especially when She looked like someone as famous as Stevie Nicks. “No problem, my children,” She said as She snapped Her fingers.

And standing before us was David Lee Roth.

Another snap of the fingers transported us to the entrance of the arena where Maddy was about to take the stage, and God gave each and everyone one of us a ticket for that night’s show. We walked through the turnstiles and the ushers led us to our seats in the last row of the upper level. “I’m sorry about the seats,” said God / Diamond Dave. “It was the best I could do on such short notice.”

Then God made one more transformation. At first we thought He had changed into Rod Stewart, but upon closer examination, we realized that the Supreme Being had transformed into the famous Rod Stewart impersonator, Rob Hanna. “I want you to remember,” He said right before the house lights dimmed and Ms. Ciccone took the stage. “You are all my children.”

And then He left us for His private box.

It’s impossible to describe the incredible sense of love one feels when in the presence of the Highest of all High. We were filled with an inner feeling of trust and devotion. We looked upon each other, and for the first time we realized that we were all a part of this family of man, that we were all brothers and sisters under the skin. And as we watched Him depart in the form of Rod Stewart impersonator Rob Hanna, we understood that we really were all His children.

You might even say we were children of a lesser Rod.