“Yeah, Mom?”

“Look who has come to visit.”

“Uh? Oh, wow! It’s Uncle Henry! Hi, Uncle Henry!”

“Hello there, Billy.”

“What did you bring me, Uncle Henry?”

“Uh… What?”

“What did you bring me? You always bring me a present, remember? Like last summer you brought me tickets for Bela Fleck & The Flecktones.”

“I know, Billy, but…”

“And when you came to visit last Memorial Day, you gave me tickets for Genitorturers.”

“I know, Billy, but…”

“And last Easter you gave me tickets for both the Rollins Band concert and Henry Rollins spoken word tour.”

“Yes, Billy, I remember, but…”

“So, what did you bring me, Uncle Henry? Tickets for Nashville Pussy? Roger Waters?”

“Billy, this isn’t easy for me to say.”

“Lemme guess. David Lee Roth? That’s okay, Uncle Henry. I guess.”

“No, Billy, it’s not Diamond Dave. You see, Billy, I didn’t bring you any tickets.”

“What? No tickets?? Whaaaaa!!!!”

“Oh, don’t cry, Billy. You see, I retired last month and now I’m on a fixed income. Besides, since I’m no longer working, I can’t skim the payroll account to buy you tickets for artists like Nikka Costa or singing groups like Destiny’s Child.”

“But… But… I want my tickets!!!”

“Okay, Billy. Tell you what. I’ll go down to the bank tomorrow and take out a second mortgage on my home. That should be enough for U2, Neil Diamond and Bob Dylan.”

“Whaaaaa!! But… But I can’t wait until tomorrow, Uncle Henry. It has to be today.”

“Why does it have to be today, Billy?”

“Because tomorrow I have to go back to college.”