Granulated sugar, powdered sugar, brown sugar, it makes no difference. We need sugar to stay on top of all the tours like Eric Clapton or Down From The Mountain. So much sugar, in fact, that we have to keep a sugar feeding schedule. Every quarter hour we have to consume at least five percent of our body weight in sugar. That’s what keeps us going. Sugar is the fuel that drives the mighty Pollstar.com tour date generator.

And we need a lot of coffee to wash down all that sugar. Coffee, Jolt Cola and espresso. Can’t forget the espresso. It keeps the workforce humming like a well-oiled machine. We keep tanks of the stuff on the roof and run drinking tubes down to each employee while they enter info for Kylie Minogue, David Gilmour and Brian Wilson. You can never have too much sugar and caffeine when you’re managing a tour database consisting of dates for The Big Wu and Dar Williams. That’s a fact.

The bottom line is this: We receive a lot of data every day. Plus, in order to keep up with a Britney Spears or a Pete Yorn, we have to continously down caffeine and sugar. So if we’re a day late entering the March 2002 date for your brother-in-law’s kazoo and accordion quartet, you’ll just have to KEEP YOUR SHORTS ON!!! We’re really busy updating the schedules for Elton John and Alabama Thunderpussy, and we have a lot of sugar and coffee to eat and drink, and… and… oh, just hang in there. We’re on it. Okay?

Oh, look at the clock. Gotta run. It’s time for our coffee break. Keep your hands off of our sugar until we get back.