“I’d like a live rat and a saucer of your finest milk, please.”

“Coming right up. Wait a minute, don’t I know you? Weren’t you on the MTV Video Music Awards a few weeks ago?”

“Uh, uh. I was the snake working with Britney Spears.”

“I thought so. I gotta tell you, I really admired your work with Britney. You looked so… so… professional.”

“Well, I have been working out.”

“It shows. So, what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be in Washington, DC, for the big tour opener at the MCI Center tomorrow night?”

“That was the plan, but they moved DC to the end of the tour. Now Britney starts November 1st in Columbus, Ohio.”

“I hear Columbus is nice this time of year.”

“I wouldn’t know. You see, I was kind of laid off.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’m sure there are plenty of other tours that I can join, like Slobberbone or maybe Slipknot. Plus, I’m still waiting for a call back from Alice Cooper, and I’ve heard that Live and Maceo Parker are both short one snake.”

“You know, you might try Curtis Salgado. He has a new tour and I’ve always heard that he’s never too busy to give a helping hand to a snake who’s down on his luck.”

“I am not down on my luck. I’m just between jobs. That’s all.”

“Yeah, sure. Anyway, let me slip you a few phone numbers. You know, just in case things don’t work out.”

“Lemme see what you got there. Hmmm. I’ve never worked with Kittie before, but I’ve got a nephew working with Charlie Hunter.

“See, things are looking better already.”

“I guess, but I’m going to miss working with Britney.”

“She’s one sweet kid, eh?”

“You ain’t kidding. In fact, she had the stage crew make me a home out of an old soup kettle.”


“Oh, yeah. It was fur-lined and everything. I gotta tell you, I was looking forward to coiling up inside of that old kettle after a hard night of draping my body over Britney’s shoulders. But so go the best laid plans of mice and men. Speaking of mice, where’s my…”

“Coming right up. I take it you really miss her.”

“Yeah, but that ain’t the half of it. You see, they also took away my kettle.”

“You don’t mean…”

“That’s right. After getting fired from the Britney Spears tour, I don’t even have a pot to hiss in.”