Of course they look harmless. They’re squirrels. Little, furry, cute, sometimes rabid, cuddly animals. Every day around noon we go down to the park to watch them as they plot their evil deeds.

Look at them. Scurrying around, gathering nuts for winter. The squirrels have been responsible for a lot of history – wars, famines, Monica Lewinsky – and word is they are tired of sharing the world with us humans.

Yes, someday the squirrels will rise up and take their rightful place as rulers of the planet. We’ll all be squirrel slaves, condemned to endless days of sitting on park benches, feeding peanuts to our four-legged, buck-toothed masters.

There isn’t much time left before the squirrels launch their plan for world domination. Our advice to you is to see as many concerts as you can before the squirrels draw the final curtain on civilization as we know it. There are new tours by B.B. King, DC Talk, Cyndi Lauper and Charlatans UK. There are also additional dates for Neil Diamond, Rev. Billy C. Wirtz and Aerosmith.

They look pretty smug. Scampering around this park, showing off their physical superiority by running up trees and along telephone lines. WE’RE ON TO YOU, SQUIRRELS! You ain’t fooling anybody. And when that day comes, we’ll be ready.

Or maybe we’ll watch our tape of Britney’s HBO special. Again. We haven’t really made up our mind.