“Coming right up. Say, I heard the news. I guess you elves are clocking a lot of overtime at Santa’s Workshop.”

“You ain’t kidding. Ever since some joker hacked Santa’s server and posted his ‘naughty or nice’ list on the Internet, we’ve been pulling double shifts.”

“I saw that. Guess we all know what Alicia Keys is getting for Christmas.”

“Yeah. Also Mos Def, Rollins Band and Craig David. I don’t mind telling you, Santa was livid.”

“I’ll bet. Who would have ever thought that Bob Dylan wanted a sequined jump suit just like the one Elvis wore in Vegas?”

“Or Jimmy Buffett and those Michael Jackson dancing lessons.”

“Uh, uh. Somehow I just can’t picture him moonwalking while singing ‘Cheeseburger in Paradise.’ Musicians. I’ll never figure them out. And what’s up with GWAR and that Easy Bake Oven?”

“You don’t want to know.”

“I’ll take your word for it. Has this ever happened before?”

“Never. The list has always been on a need-to-know basis. Strictly hush-hush. What’s more embarrassing is that the hacker also grabbed a list of all the MP3s Santa downloaded via Napster and Morpheus, like Pet Shop Boys and Heather Nova. The RIAA is already calling, but he keeps ducking them.”

“So much for a merry Christmas.”

“You said it. Yeah, this security breach on Santa’s server sure has been a pain, but do you know what’s really ironic? When Windows XP came out last fall, Santa couldn’t upgrade fast enough.”

“You don’t say.”

“Well, thanks for the coffee. Gotta run. Back to the coal mines, you know.”

“‘Coal mines?’ Don’t you mean ‘salt mines?'”

“Nope. After the XP security problems, Santa has decided to make Bill Gate’s house the first stop on tonight’s journey, and he wants all the coal the sleigh can carry.”