My wife and five kids, for example. Every day it’s always something. “Can we go to the police department now?” Or “Can we get our vaccinations now?” It’s enough to make a man go crazy. No wonder the world is in such a mess. No one has any patience anymore.

That’s why I had this room added on to the house. Whenever my family’s lack of patience gets on my nerves, I like to duck in here, lock the door and look at tour dates on Pollstar.com. Like the new schedule for Cracker, or the added dates for Jimmy Eat World and Sum 41. And I always make it a point to check for that Van Halen and Diamond Dave reunion, or the Pink Floyd tour that’s always rumored to be “a year away.” I can wait. After all, I’m a patient man.

But I don’t know what to do about that family of mine. I mean, I tried to teach them about the virtue of patience, but they just won’t listen. So I’ve been spending a lot of time in my special little room, my “fortress of solitude,” so to speak, looking at tour dates for great artists like Buddy Guy or Ann Beretta. There’s something about the routing for Natalie Merchant or those multiple dates in major markets for that big Elton John / Billy Joel co-headline that really soothes the soul.

Yes, I love coming in here and looking up tour dates. Oh, look, there’s some new dates for Liar’s Academy, some extra dates for Tomahawk and a couple of single shows for… for…

Hear that? That pounding on the door? Sounds like my family is at it again. Can you excuse me for a moment? This will just take a second.

“Pipe down out there! No, I don’t want to hear it. It’s about time everyone learned some patience in this family, and that time is now! For the last time, we’ll open up the Christmas presents when I’m finished looking at these tour dates. Understand?”

Cripe, they’re even more impatient than they were last year. Sheesh, I suppose they expect me to set up the tree too.