It’s a little WAV file we came up with. That’s right, it’s the sound of a zipper. Just one of the new features for 2002 on Pollstar.com.

Yes, things are going to be different at your favorite tour date Website. No longer will we focus on new tours by Mary J. Blige and Gorillaz, the additional dates for Ronan Keating or the Euro dates for Nebula and System Of A Down. From this day forward, we’re going to focus on what’s really important to you, the Pollstar.com user.

That’s right, we’re talking about sex.

We want you to think long and hard about employee #281 and how she stroked the keyboard while entering dates for Tha Liks. We want you to close your eyes and imagine employee #591’s muscles gleaming in the soft tract lighting, the sweat glistening on his well-defined torso as he updates the schedules for David Cassidy, Steven Curtis Chapman and Jazz Mandolin Project. This is what it’s really about. Not Dillinger Escape Plan in Brooklyn on January 25, but sex, sex and more sex. You want some? Come and get it!

For too long this Website has put tour dates, like the ones for Umphrey’s McGee and W.C. Clark, first. We’ve placed the dates for TSOL on a pedestal and we treated the schedules for Punks Vs. Psychos and Savoy Brown Feat. Kim Simmonds as if they were the greatest things since sliced bread. But that’s all in the past. From now on we’ll tell you about our luscious tour date babes and our virile data entry stud muffins. We’re talking heaving bosoms and six-pack abs! Lust and Agent Orange! Yeah, baby!

Think of it! No more listings of just cities, states and venues for Jars Of Clay. We’ll tell you what goes on in the mind of employee #819 as she plugs in the dates for Kudzu Kings, the inner thoughts of employee #591 as he proofs the schedule for Green Day and the secret wants and desires of employee #515 as she plugs in added dates for Leftover Salmon and Pat Boone. Make no mistake about it. From now on, when you think “sex” you’ll think Pollstar.com!

And for those of you that think there’s no room for sex in the concert industry, we have only one word for you. Grow up! Sex is where it’s at. Sex makes the world go ’round. All you need is sex!

After all, if it’s good enough for CNN…