“Now, let’s try the other ear. Testing… One, two three. Testing. Did you hear that?”

“Loud and clear, Doc.”

“Then it looks as if the operation was a success, Mr. Limbaugh.”

“Gosh, Doc. I don’t know how to thank you.”

“Don’t thank me, Mr. Limbaugh. Thank the concert industry.”


“For example, to improve your audio reception, we had to cannibalize the digital pickups used on the Mr. Scruff tour.”

“Is that a fact?”

“Uh, uh. And we borrowed the technology used for the microphones on the Gary Wright tour to reconstruct your middle ear.”

“Really? I didn’t realize that concert technology was so advanced.”

“A lot of people don’t, Mr. Limbaugh. You know that extra large space we scooped out between your ears? That’s where we installed the micro-amplifiers. They’re based on the same schematics as the amps used by Creed, Bruce Hornsby and Atomic Kitten.”


“Plus, the pre-amps came from the Dave Matthews Band, the diaphragms for your eardrums came from Rob Zombie’s stage monitors, and the wireless receivers are a direct technological descendent of the circuit boards used in the house monitors at the Verizon Amphitheatre.”

“Verizon, uh? Which one?”

“Who knows? Anyway, your head is now a marvel of concert ingenuity. In fact, you’re more hi-tech than the soundboards used for Don Henley or The Cranberries.”

“Gosh, Doc, I can’t thank you enough.”

“Just don’t let Neil Diamond’s soundman see you. He might get jealous.”

“Right, Doc. I can’ t wait to go back to the radio station and tell everyone that I’ve regained my hearing.”

“Yes, I’ll bet you’re anxious to go back to work.”

“You said it, Doc. My producer is going to be so happy. Not to mention the company that syndicates my show, or my advertising clients.”

“And don’t forget your fans. You’ll finally be able to listen to your callers, again.”

“Yeah, it’s going to be great. I feel like a new man. And…and… Uh, Doc?”

“Yes, Mr. Limbaugh?”

“What do you mean, ‘again?'”