“Hi, George. Did you get the Robin Williams tickets?”

“Yes I did. And you won’t believe what I just saw. The most amazing thing happened when I was at Ticketmaster.”

“Oh?”

“There I was, standing in line, when these three guys with machine guns walk through the front door.”

“Machine guns?”

“Yeah. One of them hollers, ‘This is a stick up!’ And to prove he means business, he fires a few rounds into the ceiling.”

“Oh, my.”

“Then the robbers make all of us customers lie down on the floor, and while one man stands guard at the front door, the other two go behind the counter and force the clerk to open up the ticket vault.”

“Wait a minute. I thought Ticketmaster clerks were supposed to defend that vault with their lives.”

“So did I, but I think he was new on the job.”

“Must have been. Then what happened?”

“The two crooks behind the counter start cleaning out the vault. One of the guys is holding a burlap sack while the other one is tossing tickets into it. He starts off with all the tickets for the new shows, like String Cheese Incident, Elton John and Femi Kuti.”

“Did he get those tickets for that new Herbie Hancock date?”

“Uh, uh. Also Atomic Kitten and John Prine. Heck, they cleaned out the vault.”

“Don’t tell me they got away.”

“I’m getting to that. While the third guy is still standing guard at the front door, the other two robbers finish cleaning out the ticket vault and proceed to make the customers empty their pockets. They took a pair of Ron Jeremy’s S&M Sideshow tickets from this little old lady in front of me.”

“That’s disgusting. These men sound like… like… animals.”

“Oh, they were, they were. And they were about to search me when it happened, the most amazing thing I ever saw in my life.”

“Yes? Go on.”

“Suddenly, this man bursts through the wall. He was wearing blue tights and a red cape.”

“Like that outfit Henry Rollins wore in that magazine photo?”

“You got it. He grabs the two crooks and bangs their heads together, knocking them unconscious.”

“Wow!”

“That’s when the robber standing guard at the front door fires his machine gun at the man, but the bullets just bounce off the dude’s chest.”

“Incredible!”

“You said it. Anyway, the man in the tights grabs the gun from the crook, and then ties the gun barrel around the guy’s hands.”

“He bent the gun barrel?”

“Like it was Silly Putty. Then one of the other customers gets up off the floor. It turns out he wasn’t really a customer, but the local promoter who just happened to stop by to see how the tickets for Phil Lesh & Friends were selling. He thanks the guy in the tights, and tells him, as a reward, that he can have any ticket to any show he wants. Front row seats, too.”

“Which show did he pick? I’ll bet he went for those Dave Matthews Band tickets. I know I would.”

“Nope. Instead, he told the promoter that he’s just doing his job, and that justice is his only reward. Then he flew away.”

“Let me see if I got this straight. This guy dressed in tights and a cape breaks through the wall, bullets bounce off his chest, saves the Ticketmaster, doesn’t accept any free tickets for a reward, and then just flies away? You were right, honey. That really is amazing!”

“Isn’t it, though?”

“I mean, most people would have jumped at the chance for free tickets.”

“I know. Go figure.”