For you see, it’s time to talk to you about something more important than an extra date for Jesse Dayton or a new routing for Michael W. Smith. It’s time to get down to the nitty-gritty, spare no feelings and pull out all the stops.

It’s time to talk about tour date safety.

We’ve seen the reports, we’ve read the stats and we’ve crunched the numbers. Too many of you out there are rushing home so that you can check out the new dates for acts like The Fleshtones or Emerson Drive. You’re not keeping your mind on the road, you’re gabbin’ away on the cell phone, telling your friends that you’re in a hurry because there are new Digital Underground dates on and BAM! There goes another puppy off to doggy heaven, and you’re left picking fur and tail remnants out of your front grille.

It doesn’t have to be like this. Sure, maybe the other tour date Web sites are fly-by-night operations that are only interested in collecting their $500-per-click-throughs, but not us. We’re in it for the long run and we’ll be presenting dates for acts like Bonnie Raitt or Larry Gatlin when all the other sites are long gone and their CEOs are reduced to digging through our Dumpster in order to find a one-off date for Sound Tribe Sector 9 or Waylon Jennings.

So, relax. Take your time. We’ll still have the new dates for Mad Caddies when you get out of work. And you students in the audience can take a breather as well. The new listings for The Dictators and Dirtbombs will be waiting for you when you get out of school.

And while we’re on the subject, all of you Enron execs out there can relax, too, because all the tour dates for all of your favorite bands will be waiting for you on when you get out.

Besides, if you’re really lucky, the judge just might give you time off for good behavior.