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Tours de Farce: Flower Power
But I still remember that day when it all began. Me and Jim were sitting in a patch of shade out back behind the barn, sippin’ our corn sqeezin’s and checkin’ out Miss March, when I reached over and grabbed one of them plants and started chewin’ on it. Well, faster than Slick Willie could grab an intern and a side order of fries, my eyes bugged out and my head started buzzin’, and before I knew it, I could see Shawn Colvin playing as clear as the goiter on Jim’s neck.
Then Jim said, “Let me give it a try.” He gulped down a couple of plants and started dancin’ around like all git out. “Wow!” he yelled. “This is just like
Didn’t know what it was, but it sure beat the hell out of swapping Incubus MP3s on Morpheus.
We spent the rest of that week gatherin’ and chewin’ up all of them flowers. We saw classic rock artists like Journey and Jefferson Starship, and jam bands like Ratdog and String Cheese Incident. It was the best thing to happen to us since Prince changed his name back from that symbol. We could see a concert without leavin’ the farm.
But word got out about the concert flower, and pretty soon all these city folks came out to the farm. Like that guy from Verizon who offered us a big pile of money to change the name of the place. Yeah, there were suit and tie fellers from Ticketmaster, Tickets.com, even MTV, and they all wanted to know about the plant that would make you see Bonnie Raitt and Art Alexakis as if they were playin’ there right in front of you, big sound and all.
Then that man from a big concert promotions company came out, saw our plants and darn near had a heart attack. Said that it wasn’t legal to just chew up a plant and see big acts like Neil Diamond or Creed. “You need to pay service charges,” he said. “And convenience fees, and music royalties and $20 parking fees. Seeing *NSYNC or Puddle Of Mudd without buying a ticket just ain’t natural.”
And he hacked and he burned and he dug until all our pretty little weeds were gone. Then he drove away, while Jim and I just smiled and waved goodbye…
Sittin on that sack of seeds.