“It’s about concerts, Eunice. Well, it’s about the Ratdog show coming up next month. Yes, I know you don’t like them, and I know that when we got married 20 years ago, we agreed that we would never see a band that you didn’t like. But… But… Oh, Eunice, please don’t look at me like that.

“It’s just that… It’s just that there are a lot of bands I’ve wanted to see over the years, bands like The Samples, Liquid Soul and The Outfield. What’s that? How do I know about those bands? I have their CDs at work. Yes, I know I’m not supposed to buy any CDs without your permission, but these are really good bands, and they’re all coming to town in the next couple of months, and all the guys at the office are going, and I’d really like to see them. And… And… Oh, Eunice, please don’t yell.

“Take Michelle Shocked, for example. She’s playing here next week. Yes, I know that night is your weekly meeting of the Hilary Rosen Fan Club, and I’m supposed to stay home and babysit the goldfish, but she’s one of my favorites and… and… Oh, Eunice, please put that down before you hurt someone.

“Look, Eunice, do you have any idea how many great acts I’ve missed over the years because of you? Artists like Terence Blanchard and John Prine, and great bands like The Fixx, and American Head Charge. No, I haven’t been listening to that radio station behind your back. Well, maybe just a little. Please Eunice, not the frying pan. Anything but the frying pan. I still have the stitches from the last time.

“What I’m trying to tell you, Eunice, is… is… Well, things are going to be different from now on, regardless of that pre-nup you made me sign. Starting today, we’re going to see the bands I like. We’re going to see Vans Warped Tour 2002 and The Hightimes Tour, maybe even Ozzfest 2002. Don’t try to talk me out of it, Eunice. I’ve made up my mind. I’ve done it your way for 20 years and starting today, I’m making the concert decisions in this house. Damn it, Eunice, I WANNA ROCK!

“Furthermore, Eunice… Furthermore -“

Knock! Knock! Knock!

“Fred? Are you still in the bathroom? You’re making me late for my Mothers Against Moshing meeting. I swear, Fred, you’ve been in there for over half an hour. And who are you talking to, anyway, Fred? Fred??”

“Coming, Eunice.”