“Sir? I’m special agent Erskine and this is special agent Ness. We’re from-“

“I know. You’re from the FBI. Aren’t you guys tired of harassing me?”

“Just a few questions, sir, and we’ll be out of your hair. Now, the clerk at the record shop said that you were in his store last October asking for Anthrax.”

“That’s right.”

“So you admit it?”

“Yeah, sure. What’s to admit? I love that band. I’ve been a fan for over 10 years.”

“Uh?”

“Slayer, Ozzy Osbourne, KORN. I can’t get enough of that kind of music. The louder the better.”

“Music?”

“That’s what I told the last agents that came around here. I’m talking about the band named ‘Anthrax,’ not that… that… Well, you know, that other stuff.”

“But didn’t you tell that clerk that you had plenty of Anthrax at home?”

“Sure. Fistful of Metal, Armed and Dangerous, and State of Euphoria, but I wanted a copy of their 1990 CD, Spreading The Disease. It was gift for a friend.”

“A gift? And by any chance did you mail that gift?”

“Oh, for crying out loud. When are you feds going to get it straight? I keep telling you guys that I’m an Anthrax fan. You know, explosive guitar riffs? Thundering drums? Deep, introspective lyrics? But do you listen to me? Oh, no. For the past six months all you’ve done is keep me under surveillance. You guys have been following me wherever I go.”

“Sir…”

“Last month you followed me to a Flaw concert and I must have counted at least 10 of you feds watching me at the System Of A Down show.”

“But we were undercover. How did you recognize us?”

“Gee, guys, that’s a tough one. I don’t know if it was the fake tattoos, the three-piece suits or the pistols poking out from under your jackets.”

“My tattoos are not fake.”

“Then maybe it was the FBI ball caps.”

“But it was raining. No matter. Where were you on October 22?”

“I was at an Incubus concert.”

“And November 9?”

“Weezer.”

“And November 12 and 14?”

“Tool and blink-182. Look, here’s my ticket stubs. See?”

“Uh, Agent Erskine?”

“Yes, Agent Ness?”

“It checks out, Agent Erskine. These are concert ticket stubs. It appears he has an airtight alibi.”

“Oh, alright. It looks as if we’re finished here. Thank you for your time, sir.”

“Yeah, right.” Slam!

“Well, what do you think, Agent Erskine?”

“Damn! I thought we had our man. But he’s definitely clean.”

“So, should we cross him off of the list and move on to the next suspect?”

“Yeah, I guess so. Lessee… one down, 281,422,401 to go. But what do you say we break for lunch before we move on to the next block.”

“Sounds good to me, Agent Erskine. Just remember one thing, though.”

“Yes, Agent Ness?”

“When we get to the next house, It’s my turn to knock on the door.”