Who isn’t these days? What with impending war, a sagging economy and the RIAA seeking permission to legally hack your computer, there’s a lot to be stressed about. In fact, it’s quite possible to go on a worry binge 24/7 and still have enough anxiety and fear left over to fuel the Fox News Network clear into the next century.

But life is much too short to spend countless hours worrying about weapons of mass destruction, your 401k retirement program or whether or not Vince Neil is lurking in a dark parking lot as you exit from work. That’s why there’s Pollstar.com.

Laid off from your job? A quick glance at the dates for David Bowie and those unemployment blues will fade away quicker than the boybands of yesteryear. Do you lie awake at night fretting about chemical and biological warfare? Forget the gas masks and click on the schedules for Our Lady Peace and Earshot, and soon all that talk about dirty bombs and smallpox will go the way of vinyl LPs, 8-track tape players and one dollar service charges. Worried about our leaders being hell-bent for glory on a crusade to bring about the end times? Chris Murray, Art Garfunkel and John Mayer will set you right and engulf you in a bubble of temporary security consisting of dates, cities and venues that’s guaranteed to shelter the inner you from all that is vile and dangerous in this crazy, madcap world.

Yes, when you’re suffering from anxiety, stress and fear, there’s nothing better than a good tour schedule, like Prince or John Mellencamp, to comfort the soul, novocaine the brain and bring about a general feeling of placidity and well-being. Let others worry about war, famine and rising ticket prices. Life is more than good when you have the schedules for Brian Auger’s Oblivion Express and Guns N’ Roses to look upon. Life is fantastic!

Oh, and we were just kidding when we made that crack about boybands losing their popularity. In fact, entertainment powerbrokers are creating new boybands as you read this. Now, that’s something to worry about.