Yeah, that’s right. Someday I’ll make all the big decisions, like buying tickets for Coldplay and the Dave Matthews Band. Someday I’ll call the shots. Just you watch.

And I’m going to have my own place. A real man’s pad where I can invite my friends over to party after seeing great shows like Dave Alvin & The Guilty Men. And there won’t be anyone telling me that the stereo is too loud and my friends are too rowdy. None of that “turn that music down!” crap. I can hardly wait. I’ll be as loud as I wanna be.

And I’ll cover my bedroom with posters. I’ll have Edgar Winter Band hanging over my bed, the Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers on the walls and maybe even a big Pretenders poster hanging from the ceiling. I’m going to do all that because that’s what being a man is all about. Being your own boss and not taking any lip from anyone. That’s a man.

And I’ll have my own car. A real muscle machine that I can drive to see the Ataris. I’ll have the baddest stereo system you ever saw. Four, no, make that eight speakers, with really big woofers. And I’ll have bumper stickers for all my favorites like Slobberbone and 3 Doors Down. Yeah, it’s gonna rock.

And I’m gonna stay out all night. None of this “You can’t go out on a weeknight” or “you have to get up early tomorrow” B.S. Heck, no. Someday my evenings will be nothing but The Vandals. I’m gonna rock and roll all night and party every day.

Yeah, someday I’m gonna be on my own. There won’t be anyone telling me that I can’t afford Pearl Jam or that I can’t stay out late for The Disasters. Yeah, some day I’ll blow this pop stand. I’ll have my own place, my own car, and no one is going to stand in my way. I’ll do what I want, where I want, and with whom I want. I’ll be the ultimate party animal. I’ll be king of the world. I’ll be a man!

But first I need a good divorce lawyer. Any suggestions?