Features
Tours de Farce: Salute Yourself!
That’s right, we’re talking about you. It’s about time you were noticed. For if it weren’t for fans like you, the entire concert industry would grind to a halt. It takes someone like you to keep the ball rolling so that future generations may enjoy a night out with Ministry, Fischerspooner and Insane Clown Posse. So, what are you waiting for? Stand up and take a bow. You’ve earned it!
It’s not easy being a concert fan. First off, everyone wants to tell you which artist you should like. You say you’re a fan of Yanni and there’s always someone who says you should be a Bozo Porno Circus fan instead. You say you’re going to see Spoon in Detroit on April 1, and there’s always someone saying that The Exit on March 22 in Toronto will be a better show. Then, before you know it, the paramedics are trying to pry your fist from his mouth and it’s all downhill from there. Life is tough when you’re a concert fan.
Then there’s the workplace. Is there anyone more discriminated against than the true blue concert fan? You can’t get a day off from work so that you can buy tickets for Galactic, the human resources director expects you to be on time the morning after a night out seeing Living Sacrifice, and the boss won’t give you a raise, even though Cher and Alan Jackson are coming to town next month and you’ve barely have enough cash to cover parking and concessions. Life is so cruel when you’re a concert fan.
And don’t even get us started on creditors. You know what we’re talking about. Sure, they bombard you with offers in the mail, but try getting a little bump on your credit limit so that you can buy tickets for Dwight Yoakam or Eddie Money and see how they react. VISA, Mastercard, American Express, they’re all the same. They’re always griping about you missing last month’s minimum payment, or, heaven forbid, they want you to pay off the remaining balance before they’ll cash advance any more ticket money. Creditors are sooo unfair when you’re a concert fan.
Yeah, no one has a greater cross to bear than you, the concert fan. Neither your boss, your parents or your spouse know what you go through, day in and day out, in order to see your favorites like David Grisman Quintet or Little Feat. But don’t despair. We love you. No matter if you’re a fan of Lizzy Borden, Paul Young or Fairport Convention, we love each and every one of you concert fans out there.
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