Tours de Farce: Welcome To Boomer Town
We’re over 45 and lovin’ it. We’ve seen it all, done it all and heard it all. We’re unshockable, unmockable and unstoppable. We’re America’s hippest generation.
And we love concerts. Sure, we still go for those artists we grew up with – The Rolling Stones, Santana, Andy Williams – but it doesn’t stop there. We’re always ready for new music. Come on, raise your hands. Who’s up for Vanilla Ice’s Canada tour?
But we’ve been getting some bad press as of late. The generations that follow in our dance steps consider us boomers to be nothing but aging hippies whose minds were totally fried by 1971. They say that we can’t understand today’s music like Foo Fighters, The White Stripes or t.ATu. They say we’ve traded in our Ripple, our Boones Farm and our Zig Zags for Viagra, Rogaine and Botox. But worst of all, they say we’re just not cool anymore.
Are we going to just sit on our collective buttocks and take all this crap?
Of course not! Not the generation that invented rock and roll, latch-key kids and sex. There’s still plenty of good years left for us party animals, and we’re not about to go gentle into that good night, sitting on the front porch listening to our David Lee Roth records while we watch the grass grow and collect our social security. Or at least, what’s left of it.
Here’s what we’re going to do. The next time Generation X, Y or Z starts laying it on thick – saying that our time is past and that we’re just not relevant anymore, we’re going to look ’em in the eye and tell them that if wasn’t for our fine selves, they wouldn’t be where they are today. Got that? Good.
Then we’re going to tell them about the days of Janis, Jimi and The Doors. We’re going to tell them about seeing Crosby, Stills & Nash and sometimes Young. We’re going to tell them about The Fillmore, Monterey and Woodstock. But it doesn’t stop there. Oh, no. We’re just getting started.
Then we’re going to tell it like it was. We’re going to make them sick with jealousy and envy. We’re going to tell them how all the concerts during the ’60s and ’70s were free. Like when The Beatles played at our high school homecoming dance and how Ringo personally shook the hands of each and ever member of the audience while Paul McCartney made sure that all the girls had a safe ride home. We’re going to tell them about a generation of love, freedom and Jethro Tull. But best of all, we’re going to tell them of a time when there were no service charges – ever!
Are you ready? Good. Let’s go out there this weekend and show those young punks what we’re made of by buying tickets for all the big shows, like Phish, Kottonmouth Kings, Pearl Jam and R.E.M. Let’s show those kids that we can still boogie with the best of them, that we’re always ready for a good time. Let’s show them that we’re still groovy, we’re right on and we’re far out. Let’s show them that we still know how to rock!
And it all starts tomorrow. So, be sure to get a good night’s sleep tonight. After all, we’re not as young as we used to be.