Features
Tours de Farce: Cover Story
“I have some good news for you, Mr. Jones. You’re blindness is temporary.”
“You mean, I’ll be able to see again?”
“In time, Mr. Jones. In time. Your optical nerves have suffered quite a shock. Can you tell me what happened?”
“There’s not much to tell, Doctor. Everything was fine one moment. Then… Bam! The lights went out.”
“Hmmm. Do you remember what was going through your mind in the moments leading up to your blindness?”
“That’s easy, Doctor. I was thinking of seeing The Allman Brothers Band in Atlantic City in May
“But The Allman Brothers Band aren’t playing Atlantic City until June.”
“They’re not? Oh, that’s right. I must be thinking of Bob Dylan in Atlantic City in June.”
“Er, no, Bobby’s playing A.C. in May.”
“Did I say “Dylan?” I meant, Mariah Carey. I often get those two confused. She’s playing Atlantic City in June.”
“No, Mr. Jones. Ms. Carey is playing there in August.”
“Is that so? Then who’s playing Atlantic City in June? I’ll bet it’s Pat Benatar.”
“Not until July.”
“George Thorogood & The Destroyers?”
“In May.”
“I know! Steely Dan.”
“Yes, but not in June. The Dan is playing Atlantic City in August.”
“But I felt so sure it was June, Doctor. Could this loss of memory be related to my temporary blindness?”
“Perhaps. Tell me, Mr. Jones. What do you do for a living?”
“I run the biggest news stand in the city.”
“Oh, really? Well, that explains it then.”
“It does?”
“Oh, sure, Mr. Jones. Think of recent events. Every day you’re surrounded by magazines and newspapers trumpeting the same story, all the same words and pictures, over and over and over. No wonder your mind snapped and shut down your vision. When you get right down to it, Mr. Jones, you’re suffering from way too much information.”
“I am?”
“Oh, yes. In fact, it’s a wonder more people haven’t develop temporary blindness of late. After all, the mind can only take so much.”
“I guess your right, Doctor. But do you know when I’ll be able to see again?”
“Oh, next Monday. Wednesday at the latest.”
“Really, Doctor? But how can you be so sure?”
“That’s easy. By next week someone else will be on the cover of Entertainment Weekly.”