Features
Tours de Farce: Wi-Fi-Delity
It’s all the rage. Wireless networks connecting everybody to everything – Palm Pilots to laptops, laptops to servers and servers to masters. Yeah, wireless is the way to go.
And we’re Wi-Fied to the max at Pollstar.com, where we’ve removed every coil of coax and every filament of fiber to transform this date, city, state tour-date engine of wonder into a wireless example of what technology can accomplish in the 21st century. Wi-Fi is the future and the future is Pollstar.com.
What do we love about Wi-Fi? Everything! Our crew can’t believe how easy it is to plug in dates for The Rapture and Danko Jones while lounging beside our Olympic-size pool. Our managers can’t get over the fact that they can now keep up with the new tours for Big Sugar, Mya and Arturo Sandoval, while at the same time, enjoy much-needed massages in the Pollstar.com physical therapy center. Yes, being able to supervise the handling of schedules for Barenaked Ladies or Simon & Garfunkel while not being hard-wired into a local area network is the most incredible, the most astonishing advancement in science since Tom Celleck invented the cell phone. We’re free! Free from wires! Free from cables. Free from string and Dixie cups! Thank God Almighty we are free at last!
Hard to imagine, isn’t it? Over 500 acres of tour-gathering real estate, over 9,356 individual cubicles no longer connected to routers, rooters, rotors and hooters. We can connect anywhere at anytime to anything. Radio waves, microwaves and tidal waves pulsing through every square inch of the Pollstar.com compound, allowing our staffers to process tour info like the new listing for Bottle Rockets or updates for Johnny Mathis and Steely Dan from every conceivable location while in every imaginable position. Isn’t Wi-Fi great?
Of course, our IT department did have to make some modifications to the standard Wi-Fi plan. After all, our facilities at Pollstar.com were built within the strictest governmental guidelines regarding tour date management. That means concrete floors, concrete walls and concrete ceilings, all encased in a five-foot titanium outer hull meant to discourage eavesdropping and industrial sabotage. Translated, that means we had to bring a couple more reactors online in order to power the Wi-Fi network that powers Pollstar.com, thus ensuring that you have fresh dates for bands like Seven Mary Three and artists like Colin Hay each and every day.
Yes, our employees love our Wi-Fi workplace. They love slamming in dates for Linkin Park while visiting the company restrooms and they really dig being able to monitor the growth of the Twila Paris schedule while quaffing a few brews in the company lounge. But do you know what our employees love most about Wi-Fi?
They love the fact that they can now pop popcorn right on top of their desks without having to use a microwave oven. That and get a tan without ever going outside.
Which reminds us that it is time to turn around and face the other way, for it feels as if we are definitely done on this side. Wanna know how we can tell?
Our bone marrow is starting to tingle.