First off, we have several new dates for Seal. Actually, we were going to post these dates earlier in the week, but the global warming situation cranked up a couple of notches, leaving us feeling kind of dragged out and wasted. Then there was that ugly incident when Jewel stopped by our offices and kicked our sales manager in the… Oh, oh. There’s the phone. Could you please excuse us for a moment? This will only take a second.

Hello? Yes, this is Pollstar.com. What’s that? Do we have any positions open? Well, not at this time, but send us your resume and we’ll keep it on file. Thank you for calling.

Okay. Now, where were we. Oh, yeah. New tours. We also have the dates for Badly Drawn Boy, American Analog Set and Rooney. Which reminds us. Did we ever tell you about that time we were hanging with Randy Newman and he told us about how Mickey Rooney, Paul Williams and Billy Barty inspired one of his hits? It was back in 1978 and… Oh, cripe. There goes the phone. Hold that thought, okay?

Hello, Pollstar.com. How may we help… What’s that? You want to drop by and talk to us about working here? Didn’t you just call a few minutes ago? Yeah, well send in a resume first. Okay? Thanks for calling.

Sorry about that. Now, as we we’re saying, we have dates for Doc Walker, Darden Smith and Seal. Plus, Colin James is going to open on those Bryan Adams Canadian dates we posted last week. Which reminds us. We heard this great joke last week. Stop us if you’ve heard this before. Are you ready? Three Canadians – a hose-head, a lumberjack and a moose-brain walk into this bar – and the bartender says… Oh, cripe! There’s the phone again. Just a sec.

Hello? Pollstar.com. Huh? You say you need a job right now, and that you can’t wait until the mail delivers your resume to us? Well, what kind of people skills do you possess? What’s that? You’re aloof, cold, detached and distant? With the personality of a dead fish? Hmmm… That doesn’t sound like something we’d be… Huh? You say you were just terminated from your last job and you need a new job right away? Hmmm… Still, you need to send in a resume before… Hey! Get a hold of yourself. Nobody talks to us like that! Oh, yeah? Same to you, Bud. And the horse you rode in on!

Click!

Gosh, we’re awfully sorry about that. Oh, look at the clock. We had so much to tell you and we’re all out of time for today. We’re awfully sorry about the phone interruptions, but the receptionist has the day off to visit her husband in prison, and there’s no one else here to answer the phone. Yeah, we know those phone calls were irritating. But you what can one do?

After all, everybody knows that Gray Davis can be one helluva pest.