Features
Tours de Farce: Anger Management
He’s been ranting and raving since yesterday, wandering the Pollstar.com hallways, swigging his Jack Daniels and stomping on anyone who gets in his way. He’s already torched the Elton John portrait hanging in the lobby, and if we hadn’t hidden the life-size Neil Sedaka statue, he would have demolished that too.Heck, we haven’t seen him this angry since the ARTISTdirect IPO tanked back in 2000.
But that was only the beginning of his rage of terror. Earlier today he swiped our box office manager’s pistol (well, he didn’t actually “swipe” it since it was company issued), and started shooting at his collection of booking agency bobble-heads. Take that, William Morris! BANG! Eat lead, CAA! BANG! BANG!! Make my day, ICM! BANG! BANG!! BANG!!!
Of course, our crack-shot, Pollstar.com security SWAT team is on the job, but no one wants to bring him down, mainly because it’s payday and he hasn’t signed off on payroll yet. So it looks as if we’re just going to have to sit this one out and wait until he cools off. Here, why don’t you check out the schedules for Bright Eyes and Rod Stewart while the crisis negotiator tries to talk him down from our bell tower.
Like we said, we’ve never seen the boss this angry before. Not only that, but we swear he’s gotten bigger in the last 24 hours. And greener too. His shirt’s ripped open and the Sarah Brightman tattoo on his left bicep is pulsing like a baby-boomer’s heart at a Sting show. Yeah, he’s ticked, all right. But then, you really can’t blame him, for up until yesterday, he had such high hopes and goals, and to see them crash down before him has got to be the ultimate in life’s little cruel jokes. When you want something so badly, and then lose your chance in a blink of an eye, it’s just gotta be rough.
And our boss soooo wanted to be Mr. Britney Spears.
Oh, well, at least there’s one thing in our favor. Our box office editor told us there were only six shots in the gun, which means he used up all his ammo on those bobble-heads. That is, if our box office manager counted correctly.
Feelin’ lucky, Clear Channel? BANG!
Oops! He did it again.