Features
Tours de Farce: Celebrate! Celebrate!
That’s right! Starting tomorrow every single date listed on Pollstar.dom, whether it’s the new schedule for primo popsters Clay Aiken / Kelly Clarkson or monster metalists Metallica will be coming to you in glorious digital color!
What’s that you say? You thought we were already digital? Yeah, that’s what everybody else said when we broke the news. But truth be told, we’ve been in digital-simulation mode since this company was founded back in 1931. The snappy graphics, the nifty typeface and contrasting fonts that form the readouts for artists, dates and venues may look digital, but in reality we’ve transmitting analog data for the past 73 years. Surprised? Ha! You should see the look on your face!
Of course, in order to transmit tour data, like Damien Rice playing in Minneapolis on April 6, it’s not enough to send out a series of zeros and ones, for one must think digital as well. That’s why we’ve issued a company wide proclamation insisting that each and every Pollstar.com employee speak only in binary while on the job.
For example, when addressing employee #491 about his chronic tardiness, we told him:
“010001110110010101110100001000000110111101100
110011001100010000001101111011001100010000001
111001011011110111010101110010001000000110110
001100001011110100111100100100000011000010111
001101110011001000000110000101101110011001000
010000001100111011001010111010000100000011000
100110000101100011011010110010000001110100011
011110010000001110111011011110111001001
10101100100001″
Sure, he was shocked at our choice of words. But it got the job done.
However, going digital is only one of the many new features coming your way from Pollstar.com. Soon, you’ll be able to access the latest concert listings, like Sevendust, Aerosmith and Rod Stewart, via our hi-tech Pollstar.com Wireless Digital Tour Date Network. All you’ll need is a laptop and a nearby phone jack to be wired into the Pollstar.com tour-data stream no matter where your travels may take you. Yes, the future is here at Pollstar.com!
We’re really excited about all the upcoming changes at Pollstar.com, and we owe it all to our new technical consultant. Yes, we’ve spared no expense bringing in the best and the brightest outside minds Silicon Valley has to offer in order to make this THE concert-info Web site when it comes to the routings for Rick Springfield, Reba McEntire and Hothouse Flowers. So, get ready! We’re going to flip the switch to digital as soon as our high-priced consultant arrives. Maybe even before 3:00 p.m. this afternoon!
Or maybe not. It all depends on whether or not his teacher makes him stay late and wipe the blackboards. Again. Progress can be so frustrating.