According to inside sources, not only does the trail of corruption and deceit lead straight to Bill Clinton, but it actually originated during his last term as governor of Arkansas, when state troopers were ordered to download Cherry Poppin’ Daddies songs for “private” parties Clinton threw for Paula Jones and Gennifer Flowers. A practice that not only continued, but thrived during Clinton’s two terms as president.

Now it can be told that the White House Travel Office scandal, when Hillary Clinton fired several travel aides, was due to several of those aides having discovered that the president was secretly meeting with then-junior high school student Shawn Fanning. It was during those meetings that President Clinton and Fanning discussed a covert project that would link millions of computer users in a massive file-sharing network that would eventually threaten the cornerstone of democracy, namely the recording industry.

Codenamed “Sockster,” and named after Hillary’s communist-leaning housecat, the plan called for the placement of peer-to-peer nodes throughout major universities, enabling students to download tracks by such bands and artists as Aerosmith and Jewel, thereby crippling the recording industry and hushing any dissent that might arise in songs by either Joan Baez or Bob Dylan.

In addition, this reporter has learned that Vince Foster, Flight 800, even Monicagate, were contrived public incidents perpetrated to cover up the music piracy scandal within the Oval Office. Furthermore, only one White House insider was brave enough to expose the sordid details of the Clintons’ audio debauchery, but alas, former White House canine Buddy was stopped in his tracks by a mysterious automobile accident in Chappaqua, New York, just moments before he was to meet with a reporter from The New York Times. thus bringing the Bubba death toll count to 3,291.

Buddy’s untimely demise is especially interesting when you consider that former First Lady Hillary Clinton is currently the senator of that very same state. And when you consider that teenagers were the first demographic to embrace song trading, whether the tunes in question were by The B-52’s, Keller Williams or even Willie Nelson, and that First Daughter Chelsea spent her teenage years in the White House, all the dots connect and all the pieces of the puzzle fall into place.

Tomorrow: How the Florida election scandal was orchestrated by Bill Clinton’s partner-in crime, Al Gore, in an attempt to cover up Clinton’s plans for laying a deep-sea fiber optic cable to Cuba so that Fidel Castro could flood the U.S. with bootleg MP3 recordings of Dezi Arnaz singing “Bubbaloo!” Stay tuned.