We’re not talking about the physical effects, such as loss of muscle tone, diminished sphincter capacity and a general, overall decay of social skills, for those symptoms of concert withdrawal have been discussed, dissected and rehashed on TV talk shows like Oprah and Hannity & Colmes ad naseum. No, we’re talking about something bigger than if you decide to do something as foolish and dangerous to your own well-being as giving up concerts cold turkey.

We’re talking about what might happen if the world’s entire population stopped going to concerts.

Scary thought, isn’t it? But what if? What if everyone just decided to skip the next few concerts coming to town? What if every body said no thanks to the Dave Matthews Band, later, Rahzel and maybe another day, Jeff Beck? What if every man, woman and child on the planet said “no” to concerts?

Sure, there are the expected results – a severe spike in unemployment stats for limo drivers, ticket-takers and purveyors of fine leather and rubber apparel, as well as various body-piercing jewelry, but recent studies indicate that a worldwide concert boycott would affect society on a much deeper level than economic upheaval or warehouses overstocked with unsold nipple guards and vulcanized thigh enhancers. In fact, the list of possible disasters resulting from an audience-less concert environment is filled with frightening scenarios such as “metropolitan wolverine infestations,” “rabid roadie herds” and “homeless Dean supporter encampments.” Not a pretty picture, is it?

So the next time you’re waffling on whether or not to buy Dido tickets or ducats for Ill Nino and The Waybacks, you might want to consider the implications if everyone was to think as you do and pass on all the good shows, such as Ruben Studdard, Neil Young and Rush. Don’t get us wrong. We’re not saying that the world will come to an end, that the sun will fall from the sky or that Queer Eye For The Straight Guy will be cancelled if you don’t buy those tickets you’ve had your eye on. After all, there are millions of variables and limitless instances of causes and effects that might bring about untold destruction and unspeakable horrors to this big blue marble most of us know as Earth. And to be perfectly frank, none of those apocalyptic scenarios of doom and gloom probably have anything to do with whether or not you buy tickets for upcoming shows, such as Journey or Gov’t Mule.

But do you really want to take that chance?