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Tours de Farce: Tickets To Ride
June 22, 2004. A date that will live in concert infamy. Morrissey, Sonic Youth, The Flaming Lips – all those great acts plus more were scheduled to go out on the annual summer trek that for years has brought joy and contentment to Americans from Maine to Southern California. But now it’s over before it began. Just another sad statistic of Summer 2004, sent off to canceled tours Purgatory where it will warm the bench as it takes its seat between Courtney and Britney. No tour. No show. No dice.
Why was Lollapalooza cancelled? Theories abound. Already, concert bloggers are pointing to hidden gunmen, grassy knolls and mysterious men named Raul as they talk up rumors about veiled conspiracies, closed-door meetings of the shadowy Trilateral Concert Commission and secret orders handed out by some ominous “new world order” bent on controlling the minds of concert fans by raising their hopes only to dash their dreams of opportunity and enlightenment upon the jagged rocks of despair.
But there’s still hope. While America’s favorite festival tour steps back from the limelight to become just another sorrowful statistic in the great big book of concerts lost, there are other shows still waiting to be seen. Joe Walsh, Everlast, Evanescence – great bands and artists such as these are pounding the boards this summer, vying for your monetary support. That is, as long as you buy a ticket.
What’s that, you say? You say that money is tight? That with gas prices, food prices and SUV sticker prices, it’s difficult if not downright impossible to pry loose a few extra sawbucks out of your wallet and into the hands of your local promoter whose only goal in life is to bring you the absolute best that live music has to offer. You say you can’t afford Eric Clapton, Fleetwood Mac or Simon & Garfunkel? Sure you can.
All you have to do is consider this: Every dollar you hold back, every Lincoln, every Hamilton, every Jackson that you refuse to spend on concerts, whether the show in question is by Shania Twain, Incubus or Jimmy Buffett, is less money for the concert industry. And if everyone refused to buy tickets, there would be no more concerts -the number one sign of an impending apocalypse.
But there’s still time. Reach into your cookie jar, your 401, your kid’s college fund. Reach deeply and pull out the necessary cash needed to buy a ticket for that next show coming to your town. For when you get right down to it, concerts make humanity what it is. Live shows by bands like KISS and artists like Barry Manilow not only define our culture, but also separate us from the monkeys, the apes and the Teamsters that roam this planet. Please, buy your concert tickets today, so that others may rock.
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