“Gosh, Sally, it’s been ages since we’ve had coffee together. How is everything?”

“Pretty good, Fran. I guess.”

“You don’t sound too convincing, Sally. Is there anything wrong?”

“Well, Fran, it’s my son.”

“Billy?”

“Uh, uh. He’s developed quite the potty mouth lately.”

“You don’t say?”

“I’m afraid so. Like a couple of weeks ago when he heard that Britney had cancelled her tour? Every other word out of his mouth was ‘F*** this and F*** that.”

“That’s disgusting.”

“You said it, Fran. But that’s nothing compared to last week when they cancelled Lollapalooza. Not only had he used words that I’ve never even heard before, but even my father was shocked. And he was in the navy.”

“That bad, eh, Sally?”

“Oh, it just keeps getting worse. Like last week when he came home after seeing David Byrne. I ask him about the concert and he couldn’t even say one sentence without talking like somebody with their own HBO program. I mean, he loved the show, but he couldn’t express himself without falling back into obscenities and vulgarities.”

“That’s not good.”

“You’re telling me? He goes to see Karla Bonoff, then comes back and tells me that she kicked some serious #$?@ butt. He comes home after an Everlast concert and says they blew the #%@*& roof off the place. I ask him what’s he’s going to do over the Fourth of July weekend and he tells me he’s seeing f******’ Dave Matthews Band on Saturday and M************ Eric Clapton on Sunday.”

“But what about Monday?”

“C********** fireworks.”

“Oh.”

“I’m telling you, Fran, I just don’t know what to do about him. He’s never talked like this before.”

“Well, Sally, I can’t tell you how to raise your son, but it sounds to me like he’s been seeing way too many concerts.”

“Huh? What do you mean, Fran?”

“Oh, come on, Sally, we both saw more than a few shows back in the day. Remember the MC5?”

“You mean, ‘Kick out the jams, muth -‘”

“Exactly. Now I’m not saying that all those artists and musicians are swearing their heads off in front of your son, but you might want to look into it. You never know when a Sting or a Norah Jones might have a bad night and start cussing a blue streak.”

“No, I don’t think it’s that, Fran. Besides, Billy only goes to shows by ‘nice’ bands. You know, like Metallica and Van Halen? I doubt if someone like James Hetfield or Sammy Hagar would even dare swear in public.”

“Well, he’s picking it up from someone, Sally. How long has this swearing thing been going on?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Since March.”

“What? Since March? You mean to tell me that Billy has been swearing his head off for four months?”

“Uh, uh. Ever since he got that job interning for Vice President Cheney.”