Tours de Farce: Sure As We’re Sittin’ Here
You shouldn’t. The latest statistical evidence clearly shows that surfing our Web site for concert info, whether it be the short list of dates for Patti Scialfa or coast-to-coast tours by the Scorpions and Norah Jones, is the safest activity on the planet.
For example; during the 70 plus years we’ve been in business, not one single person has contracted a flesh-eating disease while using our Web site. Incidents of West Nile Virus while looking up They Might Be Giants? Nada. Mad Cow Disease from Three Dog Night? Double nada. That’s a record to be proud of.
The absence of any incidents of personal injury is another reason to trust your leisure time to Pollstar.com. You’ll never hear of anyone breaking their leg while browsing the dates for R.E.M., or accidentally shooting themselves in the head as they’re checking out the support acts for Soulfly. Search all you want, you won’t find another Web site able to make that claim.
We could go on, but the numbers speak for themselves. Zero occurrences of anthrax contamination while eyeballing the new dates for Daryl Hall & John Oates. Zero episodes of mercury poisoning while calling up the dates for Heart and Prince. Yes, we could spend all day telling you the diseases you won’t catch or the injuries that you won’t experience while using Pollstar.com. Suffice to say, using our Web site is the safest activity you could possibly pursue.
So pull up that chair and get ready to spend the day looking at the schedules for Gomez, Social Distortion and Melissa Etheridge, and never mind the wisecracks from friends and family saying that you’re wasting your time. Because, when all is said and done, both of us know that it will be you who will eventually dance on their graves.
However, we’d be lying if we said this site was 100 percent safe. There is still one small problem that needs to be solved, one slight threat to one’s well-being from spending hour upon hour sitting in front of the computer and looking at all tour routings like Rilo Kiley, Brian Wilson and The Muffs. But don’t worry. We have the best and the brightest on the case, scientists and doctors from all over the world working to solve that one, small problem that keeps us from claiming that perfect record for user safety. And we will solve it, but it’s going to take time.
So until then, you might want to keep that tube of Preparation H handy. You know, just in case.