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Tours de Farce: Rock The Vote!
The day that all good Americans will go to the polls to exercise their Constitutional duty and decide who shall lead us for the next four years.
And, as in years past, Americans have turned to this Web site on Election Eve in hopes that we might shed some light on which way to crank that handle when you step into that dark lonely booth of democracy.
However, this year we’re going to break with Pollstar.com’s tradition of backing a presidential candidate. For after thoroughly examining both candidates’ political careers, after digging deep into their personal lives and even deeper into their garbage, we are hesitant to promote one man over the other if only because such a decision might come back to haunt us if we back the wrong horse.
Instead we’d like to take this opportunity to back a candidate, not for tomorrow, but for the next election. Because there’s no time like the present to think about the future, we’d like to forget about tomorrow and be the first Web site to state the obvious and nominate the only person that is truly qualified to lead us come 2008.
And that person is a concert promoter.
After all, who better to run the country than someone who has built a career dealing with the likes of a Metallica or a Slayer? Balance the budget? Definitely a no-brainer for someone who has negotiated merch deals with Sting and Van Halen. Deal with Congress? A piece of cake for someone who has the power to grant front row seats for Neil Diamond or inflict life-long humiliation by banishing some poor wretch to the back row of the nosebleed section for Toby Keith. When it comes to handling the reins of true power, a promoter is the only logical solution.
But it doesn’t stop with electing a promoter to the White House. There are cabinet positions to fill and Supreme Court justices to select. Therefore, we would like to share with you our vision of a concert administration. A perfect world comprised of a cabinet made up of Clear Channel executives and a Supreme Court stacked with the crème de la creme from House Of Blues Concerts. Unthinkable? Perhaps. But well worth thinking about.
So, when you go to the polls tomorrow, think about where you’ll be four years from now. And when you do, think about the shows you’ve seen, like George Strait, Brian Wilson or The Hives. And when you think about those shows, remember that it was a promoter who made it all possible. And when you think about the promoter, think about this: Which would you rather have? A president who provides for the security and welfare of this nation as he or she helms the ship of state through the stormy seas of world affairs? Or someone who can get you decent seats for Avril Lavigne?
The answer should be obvious.