“Say, Paul. Care to see R.E.M. tomorrow night? I’ve got two tickets, and Beth can’t make it.”

“Er… Bob. There’s something I have to tell you.”

“What’s that, Paul?”

“It’s about Beth, Bob. You see… Oh, there isn’t any nice way to tell you this, so I’ll just come out and say it. Beth and I are having an affair. In fact, she’s leaving you tomorrow night to move in with me.”

“Uh?”

“I’m sorry, Bob. I know this must come as a shock.”

“You? And… And… And Beth?”

“Remember last week when you had tickets for GWAR, and Beth said she didn’t feel well? That she couldn’t go because her old Woodstock injury was acting up? While you went stag to the show, she went out with me to see Hilary Duff.”

“Huh?”

“And last month? You know, that weekend when she bailed on seeing George Winston and Josh Groban? She and I shacked up that weekend in a motel room outside of Fresno and watched Donny Osmond videos while we… Well, you get the picture.”

“But… But…”

“Don’t try to fight it, Bob. We’ve made up our minds. Oh, and don’t even try getting custody of your daughter. You see, she’s not actually your daughter. Besides, I promised her tickets for that big Taste Of Chaos show if she didn’t put up a fuss during the divorce hearing.”

“You? Beth? My daughter?”

“I’m sorry, Bob, but these things happen. I know how you must feel. Especially with me being your boss and all. That reminds me. We’re downsizing today, and… and… Well, I’ve got to lay you off. After you clean out your desk, a security guard will escort you to the front entrance. Oh, and don’t even think of taking those tickets for the Pat Metheny Group with you. Those were comps. They belong to the company.”

“I… I… don’t believe it.”

“Believe it, Bob. I’m stealing your family out from under you. But don’t worry, I’ll take them to see the Eagles, Oasis and Queensryche. Trust me, Bob. It’s better this way.”

“I… I…”

“You want to say something? Well, I don’t blame you, Bob. Whatever it is, just come out and say it.”

“I… I…”

“Yes?”

“I guess this means you can’t make it to the concert tomorrow night.”