Features
Tours de Farce: You Might Think
You see, we receive a lot of email. And lately we’ve been noticing a trend in all messages that flood our incoming trays each day. It appears that some people are discriminating against others based on their concert likes and dislikes. Motley Crue fans are putting down those who prefer REO Speedwagon, and Donny Osmond lovers are dissing fans of Def Leppard and Deep Purple. This has got to stop right now.
After all, aren’t most of us created equal? Doesn’t a Judy Collins fan have the same rights as, say, someone who follows Lenny Kravitz or Moby? When you get right down to it, does it really matter that some people like The Beach Boys while others enjoy seeing Adema and Nine Inch Nails? To be perfectly frank, we can’t fathom why otherwise decent hardworking people choose to judge others by their concert preferences, why some people insist on appraising others by whether or not they see Elton John, Fuzztones and Mudvayne.
But hardly a day goes by when we don’t see signs of concert intolerance, whether it’s Cher fans cutting off Oasis lovers in traffic, or store owners who like Santana refusing to serve anyone who professes a desire to see Kenny G. Must we live like this? Can’t we all just get along?
No one knows where concert prejudice begins. While some believe that an inherent dislike for fans of certain groups is handed down from parent to child, others blame concert prejudice on the ACLU, Democrats, members of PETA and the anti-American, ultra-liberal media bent on destroying the patriotic fabric on which this country was founded.
But we digress.
What we’re trying to say is that the time to stop concert prejudice is now. Not tomorrow, not next week, not next month, but now. It’s time to put an end to an era where Lisa Marie Presley fans live in fear, where Michael Bolton fans are forced to walk the streets with their heads down and their CDs hidden, where John Tesh fans routinely beat fans of The Mars Volta and The Faint to bloody pulps. The time has come to show those who practice concert intolerance that we will not tolerate their intolerant behavior.
In short, it’s time to think like we think. Or else.