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Tours de Farce: Parental Consent
“How’s it going, George? Don’t you have… er… ‘custody’ this week?”
“Yeah, and I don’t mind telling you, Larry, that it’s been a rough few days. No matter what I do, they’re always screaming for more.”
“They’re never satisfied, eh?”
“It seems that way. I buy them tickets for Barry Manilow and they ask me for Judas Priest. I buy seats in row B for Gallagher and they complain that I didn’t get them tickets for row A.”
“They can be like that.”
“You ain’t kidding. All I hear is, ‘let’s see David Gray,’ and ‘can we have tickets for Depeche Mode and Nine Inch Nails?’ Sheesh, it’s enough to drive you nuts.”
“Patience, my friend. That’s what family life is all about.”
“I know, Larry, but all the screaming is getting me down. Like when I took them to the Green Day concert the other night. No sooner had we pulled out of the driveway when they started fighting over the radio. One of them wanted me to switch stations to hear the latest song by Megadeth while the other wanted to switch to another station and see if the DJ was giving away tickets for Good Charlotte.”
“They really love their music, don’t they?”
“You’re not kidding. And they expect everyone to like what they like. On Wednesday I took them to the doctor for their annual checkups and all they did was gripe about the elevator music in the waiting room. One of them even climbed up on the receptionist’s desk and demand that they play Velvet Revolver’s CD.”
“How cute.”
“Cute? You think it’s cute? Then I suppose you’ll think it was cute when we were caught in rush hour traffic last night, and one of them rolled down the window and shouted, ‘Out of our way, you freakin’ idiot! We’re going to be late for the Scorpions!’ I thought that truck driver was going to tear my head off.”
“Sounds like you definitely had your hands full.”
“It certainly hasn’t been a picnic, Larry. Sometimes I feel like taking them to a show, like The Von Bondies or Korn, and dumping them off at the lost-and-found.”
“Surely, you can’t mean that, George.”
“No, I guess not. Anyway, it will all be over in a couple of days.”
“Really? Then what happens?”
“Then it’s my sister’s turn to take care of my parents.”